Free quiz ยท 2 minutes
Should I text my ex?
Eight quick questions. An honest answer, and what to do instead if now isn't the time.
Your answer
Don't send it tonight.
Right now the urge is doing the talking. You're early in the breakup, it's late, or you're hoping their reply will fix how you feel, and a text is unlikely to give you that. That doesn't mean never. It means not now.
- Write the whole message out somewhere it can't reach them.
- Put your phone across the room for ten minutes.
- Come back to this quiz tomorrow, in daylight, and see if your answers change.
Heal gives you a chat that looks like theirs but never sends, and an SOS button for the next ten minutes.
Write it in Heal insteadYour answer
Sleep on it first.
Some of your reasons are clear-headed and some are the urge. Give it 48 hours. If the message still feels right after two days and a good night's sleep, it'll still be right then, and you'll send it calmer.
- Write it out now, without sending, so it's out of your head.
- Read it back in two days and cut anything that asks for a reply you need.
- Ask one friend to read it before it goes.
Write it where it can't send, and talk it through with Heal's coach before you decide.
Draft it in HealYour answer
You're probably clear enough to send it.
You've had some time, you're not expecting the text to fix anything, and you'd be okay without a reply. Keep it short and kind, and send it in daylight. Then put the phone down and get on with your day.
- Keep it to two or three sentences.
- Don't ask questions you need answered.
- Decide now that silence is an answer too.
Whatever they say, Heal has a coach and a journal for what comes next.
Get Heal for the days afterYour answer
Send it, and keep it practical.
Logistics are a fair reason to get in touch. Say what needs sorting, suggest a time or a way to do it, and leave it there. No small talk, no "how are you", no sign-off that invites a longer chat.
- One topic per message: the keys, the bill, the pickup.
- Send it during the day.
- Keep any feelings for your journal, not the thread.
For the feelings that come up when you see their name again, Heal has a place to put them.
Get Heal for everything elseHow this quiz works
The urge to text an ex usually comes from one of two places: something that genuinely needs saying, or a feeling you want the text to fix. This quiz looks at the things that most often separate the two: why you want to send it, what time it is, whether you've been drinking, how recent the breakup is, and what you're hoping they'll say back.
The single most telling question is the one about silence. If you'd be crushed by no reply, the text is really a request, and you're handing your next few days to someone who may not answer. If you'd be fine either way, you're much more likely to be texting for the right reasons.
It isn't a test you pass or fail, and it can't know your situation the way you do. Treat the answer as a second opinion from a friend who wants you to be okay tomorrow morning.
What to do with your result
If your answer was to wait, the most useful thing you can do is write the message anyway, somewhere it can't reach them, like our unsent text tool, a chat that never sends. Most of the pressure is about getting the words out of your head, and once they're out, the urge often fades. Our list of what to do instead of texting your ex at 2am has twelve more ideas for the next ten minutes.
If your answer was that you're probably clear to send it, keep it short, send it in daylight, and decide in advance that silence is an answer too. For the full picture, including what to say and what to avoid, read our guide Should I text my ex? Read this before you hit send.
And if you're in the middle of no contact, every urge you ride out makes the next one a little easier. Count it.
FAQ: Should I text my ex?
Should I text my ex if I miss them?
Missing them is normal, but it's rarely a good reason to text. A message sent to ease the missing usually brings a few seconds of relief and then a long wait for a reply. Write it out first and see if the urge passes.
How long should I wait before texting my ex?
If you're doing no contact, at least 30 days. If not, wait until you'd be okay with no reply at all. That is usually the clearest sign you're texting for the right reasons.
Is it ever okay to text an ex?
Yes. Practical matters like shared kids, money or belongings are fair reasons, and so is a short, sincere apology or birthday message once you've had real time apart. Keep it brief and don't expect anything back.
What should I do instead of texting my ex?
Put the phone out of reach, write the message somewhere it can't send, read your reasons the relationship ended, and text a friend instead. Most urges peak and pass within minutes.