No Contact
No Contact When You Work Together: How to Do It
You can't go fully no contact with an ex you see at work every day. Here's how to keep it to work only, what to say, what to avoid and how to get through the day.
Short answer
When you work with your ex, full no contact isn't possible, so aim for work-only contact. Keep conversations about tasks, in work channels, polite and short. Mute or unfollow them on personal apps, don't talk about the relationship at work, and plan your hard moments, like meetings and lunch, in advance.
Part of our no contact guide. Start with No Contact Rule: The Only Guide You Actually Need.
Most no contact advice assumes you never have to see them. But you sit two desks away, or you’re in the same meeting on Thursday. You can’t block your way out of that.
The good news: no contact was never really about not seeing them. It’s about not feeding the connection. You can do that at work too.
What Does No Contact Look Like at Work?
It becomes work-only contact. You talk to them about work, through work channels, in a work tone. Everything else stops.
| Keep | Stop |
|---|---|
| Messages about tasks, in the work chat or email | Personal texts, DMs and voice notes |
| A polite “morning” if that’s normal in your team | Lingering to chat, catching up, “how are you really?” |
| Meetings you both need to be in | Seeking them out or arranging to be near them |
| Being professional and fair | Talking about the breakup with them at work |
| Group lunches you’d go to anyway | Following, liking or watching their personal accounts |
How to Set It Up
Say it once, if you need to. You don’t owe them a speech. If something needs saying, keep it short: “I’d like to keep things professional at work. I think that’s easier for both of us.” Then don’t reopen it.
Move everything personal off your phone. Mute or archive their personal chat, mute their stories and unfollow if you can. You’ll see them in real life. You don’t need to see them at 11pm too.
Use work tools only. If you must message them, use the work chat or email, during work hours, about work. If a personal question arrives, answer only the work part.
Keep it out of the office. Choose one or two people outside work to talk to about the breakup. Office gossip travels, and it makes the day harder.
Plan the hard moments. Know when you’ll see them: the Monday meeting, the coffee machine at 10, the walk to the car park. Have a plan for each, like arriving a little early, sitting with a friend, or a short walk after.
Check what your workplace expects. If you worked closely together or one of you manages the other, it may help to talk to your manager or HR about how work is split. You don’t need to share details.
What If They Keep Contacting You?
If they message you about personal things, you don’t have to reply. If you do, steer it back: “Happy to help with the report. I’d rather keep other things outside work.”
If they keep pushing, make you uncomfortable, or anything feels like harassment, write down what happened and when, and talk to HR or a manager you trust.
How to Get Through the Day
- Expect the first weeks to be the hardest. Seeing them often keeps the wound open for longer. That’s not you failing.
- Don’t watch them. Who they’re talking to, what they’re wearing, whether they look fine. That’s the office version of checking their Instagram.
- Give yourself small exits. Bathroom breaks, a walk, headphones on. You don’t have to hold it together for eight hours straight.
- Write it out after work. The urge to say something builds all day. Put it somewhere safe, like our free unsent text tool.
- Count your days anyway. Work-only contact still counts as no contact. Track it the same way.
For the full approach, read our no contact rule guide, and if you’re unsure where the line is, see what counts as breaking no contact.
FAQ: No Contact With a Coworker
Can you do no contact if you work together? Not fully, but you can keep it to work only. Talking about tasks in a professional way doesn’t break no contact. Personal messages and conversations do.
Should I tell HR about the breakup? Only if it affects your work, for example if one of you reports to the other, you work on the same small team, or there’s any harassment. You don’t need to share personal details.
Should I change jobs because of my ex? Don’t decide in the first few weeks, when everything feels more intense. If after a few months seeing them still makes work hard, it’s fair to think about a team move or a new role.
What if my ex is my boss? Then talk to HR or another manager about who you report to, if you can. A power imbalance makes work-only contact harder to keep fair, for both of you.